Shame, Empathy, and How We See Our Bodies

When we talk about body image, we often focus on what social media is telling us to eat, wear, and what the current beauty standard is (and how to achieve it!).

But underneath the conversations we are having with ourselves about how we should look, is something far more powerful — shame. Shame is the quiet voice that whispers “you’re not enough” when you look in the mirror. It’s the sinking feeling that your worth is tied to your weight, your skin, your shape.

Dr. Brené Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” And body shame? It’s one of the most common — and deeply rooted — forms of shame, especially for women.

Shame grows in silence.

Shame thrives when we keep it hidden. When we compare ourselves to airbrushed images. When we eat in secret. When we believe we’re the only ones who feel this way.

But here’s the good news: shame cannot survive empathy.

Empathy is the antidote.

Empathy is what happens when someone hears your story and says, “Me too.” When someone sits with you in your discomfort instead of trying to fix it or brush it aside.

When you offer yourself the same compassion you would offer to a friend who is struggling with how they look or feel.

In my work, I often see how emotional eating and body shame feed into each other. We eat to numb the pain of not feeling good enough — and then feel worse after eating, reinforcing the shame. It’s a loop that feels impossible to break.

But when we bring empathy into the picture — whether through therapy, DBT skills, community, or self-compassion — we begin to break the cycle.

A new way forward

You don’t have to “love your body” overnight. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you approve of everything — it means you stop fighting reality and start building a new relationship with yourself. One based on understanding, respect, and care.

When you notice shame creeping in, pause. Name it. And gently ask yourself:

What would empathy look like right now?

That small shift can be the beginning of deep healing

By Dr Michelle Beukes-King