A Squirrel, a City Girl, and the Freeze Response
A few years ago, I had just moved from the city to our new home on a farm. It was only our second or third night there. My (now) husband was still working in the dining room, and I had gone to bed early, exhausted from the move. As I pulled the duvet up around me, I felt something run across my body.
I froze.
Completely still. Heart racing. Not breathing. There was no doubt in my mind — a rat was in my bed.
My fear response kicked in immediately. And in many ways, it served its purpose: I stayed still, the rat stayed still, and for a moment, nothing got worse. That’s the temporary relief our emotion urges sometimes offer. Fear made me freeze. Problem solved… for now.
But here's the thing: I couldn’t spend the night sharing my bed with a rat.
From Emotion Mind to Wise Mind
In DBT, we use the concept of Wise Mind — the balance between emotional instinct and rational thought. In that moment, I needed to shift out of emotion mind and access my problem solving skills.
It was time for Opposite Action. Even though I was scared, I had to act opposite to the urge to freeze. Quietly, I got out of bed, turned on the light, and faced the situation head-on.
That’s when I saw it.
Clinging to the curtain, glaring at me with a look of righteous indignation, was not a rat — but a grey squirrel. I had misinterpreted the entire situation. He had likely been sleeping peacefully when I disturbed him, and now we were both wide-eyed and frazzled.
When Problem Solving Becomes the Real Solution
Now the problem had changed: how do I get an angry squirrel out of my bedroom?
Problem solving required me to:
Assess the facts (no rat, just a squirrel)
Identify a goal (get him outside without escalation)
Create a plan (open the window, encourage movement, stay calm)
Act wisely and effectively
Eventually, he found his way out — and I got back to bed, emotionally exhausted but proud that I hadn’t let fear make all the decisions.
Why This Matters
Emotions are not bad. Fear helped me stay safe. But if I had stayed frozen, or worse, acted impulsively (like screaming and flailing), the situation could have escalated.
This is where DBT emotion regulation skills come in. When your emotion is justified, the most effective approach is often problem solving. Not avoiding. Not acting on impulse. Not shutting down. But working through the situation, step by step, until a lasting solution is found.
If you’ve ever felt trapped by your emotions, remind yourself: temporary relief is not the same as long-term change. And you deserve more than just surviving the moment — you deserve to move through it with skill and intention.
By Dr Michelle Beukes-King
