How Do I Know If I Need Help with Interpersonal Effectiveness?

Relationships are at the heart of our lives—whether it's with partners, friends, family, colleagues, or even ourselves. But navigating these relationships can be tough. How do we express what we need without feeling guilty? How do we set boundaries without pushing people away? And how do we stay true to ourselves in the process?

These are the kinds of challenges that fall under the skill set of interpersonal effectiveness—one of the key components of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It’s not about being perfect in your communication. It’s about building the confidence and clarity to manage relationships with more skill, balance, and respect.

Signs You Might Be Struggling with Interpersonal Effectiveness

• You have difficulty saying no, even when you’re overwhelmed or uncomfortable

• You avoid conflict at all costs, often at your own expense

• You feel guilty or anxious asking for what you need

• You often feel misunderstood, dismissed, or not taken seriously

• You tend to either lash out or shut down in arguments or emotional conversations

• You struggle to maintain healthy boundaries in relationships

• You feel like you lose yourself in certain relationships

If any of these ring true, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It may simply mean you haven’t yet learned the skills to manage relationships in a way that protects both yourself and your connections with others.

What Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills Help With

This DBT skill set teaches you how to:

• Ask for what you need while maintaining self-respect

• Set clear and kind boundaries without guilt

• Balance your goals, your values, and your relationships

• Stay calm and grounded during conflict

• Express yourself clearly without escalating tension

• Build (and protect) mutual respect in relationships

These skills are especially powerful for people who’ve experienced invalidation, trauma, or have grown up in environments where healthy communication wasn’t modeled. They help shift the focus from “keeping the peace” to “creating relationships that are healthy for everyone involved—including you.”

Strong Relationships Start with Skill, Not Sacrifice

Getting help with interpersonal effectiveness isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about gaining the tools to express your needs, protect your values, and connect with others from a place of confidence and calm.

In my DBT Skills Groups, we take a practical, compassionate approach to these tools. You’ll learn how to navigate tricky conversations, advocate for yourself without guilt, and build relationships that are both respectful and real.

Because healthy connection isn’t about pleasing everyone. It’s about being fully yourself—and letting others meet you there.

Written by Dr. Michelle Beukes-King, Psychiatrist