Pushing through ‘swamps’ in pursuit of our values

Imagine this. You discover that there is a waterfall on your neighbour’s farm. Secluded. The water crystal clear and still. Clouds mirroring themselves on the surface below. Cicadas humming in the heat of the day.

With permission granted, you set off. The perfect afternoon ahead. Just you and the quiet.

Only problem?

To get there, you have to cross an insanely muddy field. Recent rains have turned it into a thick, squelching mess. And to make matters worse — it is generously decorated with cow pats.

Suddenly, the adventure feels less poetic.

If going to the waterfall wasn’t something you truly wanted — if it didn’t connect with something that mattered deeply to you — you would probably turn around. “Mud and cow pats? Absolutely not.” And that would make sense.

But what if one of your values is exploration?

Or beauty.
Or freedom.
Or curiosity.

Now the mud becomes something different.

It’s not pleasant.
It’s not comfortable.
But it’s part of the path.

When Things Get Hard

In therapy, especially when working with chronic pain, this is the part that people often struggle with.

We choose a value — connection, adventure, contribution, learning, movement. And then we try to live it.

But the path there? It is rarely clean and smooth.

With chronic pain, the “mud” might look like:

• A pain flare.

• A day with too few spoons.

• Fear that you’ll overdo it.

• Thoughts like: “This is too much.”

• Avoidance behaviours that whisper: “Stay home. It’s safer.”

If the destination doesn’t really matter to you, you won’t cross that field. Why would you?

Discomfort without meaning just feels like suffering.

But discomfort in service of something deeply chosen? That feels different.

The Importance of Choosing the Right Value

This is why the value has to be yours. Not your doctor’s. Not your partner’s. Not society’s. Yours.

If your value is exploring new things, that waterfall will pull you forward.

If your value is connection, you might cross that muddy field to attend your child’s school concert — even if you need to bring a pillow and sit near the exit. If your value is health, you may tolerate the discomfort of reintroducing your daily stretches, even though you dislike them.

Living a valued life is not a life without mud but about being present for the journey.

Climbing out of the Mud

The mud in your mind sounds like:

• “This is too hard.”

• “It’s not worth it.”

• “You’ll regret this.”

• “You can’t cope.”

These thoughts are normal. They are your lower brain trying to protect you.

But if we listen to them — if we fuse with them and let them hook us — we never reach the waterfall.

So we practice:

• Noticing the thought.

• Unhooking from it.

• Recognising avoidance.

• Taking the next step anyway.

Not recklessly. Not ignoring our bodies. But consciously choosing discomfort in service of something meaningful.

Chronic Pain and getting stuck in the Mud

Sometimes the “mud” is a flare that comes after doing something important. Sometimes it is fatigue the next day.

Sometimes it is the grief of not being able to do things the way you once did.

The goal is not to eliminate the mud.

The goal is to ask:

Is the waterfall worth it?

If the answer is yes — deeply yes — then we adjust, pace, rest strategically… and we keep moving.

Because getting to that waterfall?

That sparks joy. That builds identity. That reminds you that you are more than pain.

And it is one heck of an experience.

By Dr Michelle Beukes-King