When it is not a values problem- but a spoon problem

In The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris describes a client who feels stuck.

She knows her values. She knows what matters. Her problem isn’t clarity. It’s time management.

That distinction is powerful. Because sometimes the barrier to living our values isn’t confusion about what we want — it’s a practical limitation.

When living with chronic pain, it is frequently not a time management problem- it’s  a spoon management problem.

Even though you have chosen meaningful goals:
– Contribute at work
– Be present for family
– Exercise
– Engage socially
– Keep their homes running

Some days, there simply aren’t enough spoons. This is the moment where compassion becomes essential.

When there are not enough spoons to clean the entire kitchen, perhaps the goal could be simply to wash the dishes. A shift in values from cleaning the house to self-care needs to occur and when the goal is taking a three-hour nap, that is not failure. That is strategic pacing.

Living your values with chronic pain is not about magickly discovering relentless productivity, it is about flexibility, adjusting the goal without abandoning your values.

And sometimes, the most values-consistent action that can be taken is protecting your health. Instead of criticising yourself for needing rest, give yourself a gold star for recognising your health needs — and honouring them.

 By Dr Michelle Beukes-King