What if My Teen Refuses Therapy? How You can Still Help
A DBT-Informed Perspective for Parents
One of the most heartbreaking experiences as a parent is watching your teen struggle—and refusing the help that’s available.
You might feel helpless. Frustrated. Scared. You might wonder, “If they won’t go to therapy, what can I possibly do?”
Here’s the truth:
Even if your teen refuses therapy, you are not powerless.
And you are not alone.
You Can Still Help—Starting with Yourself
One of the core beliefs in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) is that change begins with willingness. Sometimes that willingness starts with the parent, not the teen.
When your teen says no to therapy, it doesn’t mean all support stops. It just means we take a different path—and often, that path begins with you.
By learning DBT skills yourself, you can begin to:
Stay calmer during emotional storms
Communicate in ways that feel less triggering or controlling
Model mindfulness, emotion regulation, and Wise Mind decision-making
Shift the dynamic at home from reactivity to connection
Your teen doesn’t need to know it’s “DBT.” They’ll simply experience a home that feels safer, steadier, and less emotionally chaotic.
Focus on Relationship, Not Persuasion
It’s tempting to convince, explain, or nudge your teen into therapy. But that often increases resistance.
Instead, focus on:
Building connection through shared moments
Validating emotions (even the uncomfortable ones)
Creating space for your teen to feel seen without being “fixed”
Validation doesn’t mean agreement—it means acknowledging that what they feel is real.
Boundaries Still Matter
You can hold structure and expectations without threatening or controlling. A DBT-informed approach might sound like:
“You don’t have to go to therapy, but we do expect respectful communication at home.”
“You’re not ready to talk right now—that’s okay. I’m here when you are.”
Boundaries are not ultimatums. They’re clarity with compassion.
