Facing Your Fears with Emotion Regulation — and a Little Help from Spinky

When practicing Emotion Regulation skills in DBT, one of the first steps is to Check the Facts.

We ask:

• Is my emotion fitting the facts of the situation?

• Or is the intensity or duration of my emotion bigger than it needs to be?

If the emotion doesn’t fit the facts — or if it's too strong for the situation — we use a skill called Opposite Action to help shift it.

The Day of the Spinky

About five years ago, I was getting out of the shower, drying off with my towel — when I noticed a very large rain spider (or a “Spinky” as my husband affectionately calls them) sitting calmly on the towel.

Realizing that Spinky had helped dry me off without me even noticing was deeply unsettling.

Ever since that day, I check both sides of the towel before drying off.

Checking the Facts

My emotion — fear — feels very real.

But if I pause and check the facts, I realise:

• It has been five years since my Spinky encounter.

• I have not had another rain spider incident since.

• The chance of a Spinky being on my towel again is extremely small.

So even though my fear feels strong, it doesn’t completely fit the facts.

Choosing Opposite Action

The natural urge that comes with fear is to run away, in a very dignified manner.

But if the emotion doesn’t fit the facts, DBT teaches us to practice Opposite Action.

Instead of running, the opposite of fear is to approach.

Now, to be clear — I’m not saying that Spinky needs to become my new bff.

But instead of panicking or avoiding, I could gently approach Spinky, remind myself that she’s not trying to hurt me, and calmly help her find her way back outside.

The goal isn’t to erase fear entirely — it’s to act opposite when the fear no longer matches the reality.

What This Means for You

Whether it's fear of a spider, anger after a tough conversation, or sadness that feels heavier than the facts suggest — DBT gives you a roadmap.

• Check the facts.

• Notice if your emotion fits the facts.

• If it doesn’t, practice Opposite Action.

Meet Spinky

With practice, you can learn to respond to your emotions with more balance, flexibility, and compassion — even when a surprise Spinky shows up in your life.