When Life Gives You Lemons, Build Blanket Forts: A Lesson in Willingness vs Willfulness
You’ve spent the whole morning planning the perfect family picnic. You packed your favourite snacks. The drinks are chilled. You imagined sunshine, laughter, and a slow afternoon stretched out on a blanket under a blue sky. And just as you're about to leave…It starts to rain. Not a gentle drizzle — full-on downpour. At that moment, you have a choice.
Option 1
You could sulk. You could complain loudly to anyone who’ll listen. You could stomp around the house, yell at the sky, and tell the rain how it’s ruined everything. You might even refuse to do anything else — because what’s the point if it’s not your plan?
This is willfulness.
In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), willfulness is the part of us that fights reality. It’s the inner protest that says, “No. This should not be happening.”
It shows up when we:
Refuse to accept the situation as it is
Try to control things we can’t control
Hold on to bitterness or resentment
Say “yes, but…” when we’re asked to adjust or participate
Willfulness feels powerful in the moment — but it keeps us stuck. It’s like yelling at the rain. The storm doesn’t care. You’re just getting wetter and more miserable.
Option 2
Willingness, on the other hand, is about responding rather than resisting. It’s that moment you take a breath and say:
“Okay, this isn’t what I planned. But what can I do now?”
You look around. You’ve still got those delicious snacks. You’ve got blankets. Board games. Your family that you love. You decide to rally everyone together to build a blanket fort, under the dining room table. Add some Christmas lights and some pillows and you are ready to go!
You eat under twinkly lights and tell stories with your kids and husband. You create a different kind of memory — one you didn’t expect, but one that still brings joy.
That’s willingness.
It doesn’t mean liking the situation. It means accepting it so you can work with it — rather than against it.
The Bigger Picture
Life rains on our plans all the time.
People disappoint us. Plans fall through. Health struggles, job stress, loneliness, grief — none of it arrives on schedule, and none of it asks for our permission.
And when those storms roll in, we have the same choice: Will we yell at the rain? Or will we grab the blankets and create something new?
Willingness doesn’t fix everything — but it frees us. It gives us back our power to respond, to adapt, and to still choose joy, meaning, and connection — even in the middle of life’s mess.
Because the picnic might be ruined. But the day doesn’t have to be.
By Dr Michelle Beukes-King
