Radical Acceptance: 10 Steps That Sound Simple—But Take Real Strength

When we talk about Radical Acceptance in DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy), it can feel like we’re being asked to do the impossible: accept painful realities we don’t want, didn’t choose, and can’t change. And to make it more frustrating, we then give you a neat little list—“10 Steps to Radical Acceptance”—as if it were a checklist for a morning routine.

Let’s be honest: these 10 steps are not easy. This is not a quick fix. This is deep, ongoing, emotionally demanding work. But it’s also the work that can free us from suffering and help us respond to life with more peace, clarity, and self-compassion.

So, here they are—10 deceptively simple steps toward Radical Acceptance:

Step 1: Acknowledge that something happened.

Start by simply stating the reality. No judgment, no avoidance—just the facts. This thing happened.

Step 2: Recognize that reality is as it is.

It’s not what you wanted. It’s not what you hoped for. But it’s what is. Resistance only deepens the pain.

Step 3: Acknowledge that the event or situation causes pain.

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval or pretending it’s okay. You can still say, “This hurts.”

Step 4: Know that pain is part of life.

Life includes joy and pain. To be alive is to be vulnerable to both.

Step 5: Notice the urges to fight reality—and gently turn your mind.

We often want to scream, fix, or deny what’s happening. Radical acceptance means noticing that pull, and choosing again and again to turn the mind toward what’s true.

Step 6: Use your body to support acceptance.

Relax your face. Unclench your fists. Use a half-smile or willing hands posture. Sometimes, the body can lead the mind.

Step 7: Allow feelings to rise and fall.

Let sadness come. Let anger rise. Let it all move through you. Acceptance includes accepting your emotions about the situation, too.

Step 8: Practice opposite action to bitterness or despair.

Do something that aligns with acceptance—even if you don’t feel accepting yet. This might mean showing up, staying connected, or taking care of yourself anyway.

Step 9: Stay committed to acceptance.

Radical acceptance is not one-and-done. It’s something we may need to do again and again. When your mind fights back, gently return to the path.

Step 10: Be kind to yourself in the process.

This is hard work. You’re allowed to struggle. Acceptance grows slowly—and self-compassion waters the soil.

Final Thoughts:

Radical acceptance doesn’t erase grief, loss, or injustice. It doesn’t ask you to pretend everything is fine. What it does is free you from the exhausting war with reality.

And yes—putting it into a 10-step list makes it sound easier than it feels. But having a map is still better than wandering in the dark. Take one step at a time. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to practice.

You are stronger than you know.

By Dr Michelle Beukes-King