Setting Healthy Boundaries with Technology: Protecting Your Nervous System (and Your Peace)
When you live with chronic pain, your nervous system is already working overtime. Pain itself is a stress signal — a constant whisper (or sometimes a roar) from the body that something needs attention.
Now add to this your lifestyle:
Pings, WhatsApp groups, late-night emails, and endless notifications.
Each one of those tiny alerts is a small stressor.
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a real threat and an intrusive sound. It reacts the same way — tightening muscles, raising heart rate, releasing cortisol.
When your phone is constantly demanding attention, your body never gets the message that it’s safe to rest.
The Physiology Behind “Always On”
Every time your phone lights up, your amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) checks for danger.
If you’re already coping with chronic pain, that alarm is hypersensitive.
Your sympathetic nervous system releases stress hormones.
Muscles tighten.
Inflammation increases.
Pain pathways stay sensitised.
So what looks like a simple “ping” from your boss, or a stressful text from a family member, can actually feed into a full-body stress-pain cycle.
This is why so many people with chronic pain describe flare-ups after difficult online interactions or weekends spent “catching up” on messages instead of resting.
The Emotional Layer: Guilt, Obligation, and Fear
Technology also plays on your social instincts.
You feel guilty for not replying fast enough.
You fear we’ll seem rude, lazy, or unavailable.
You might even worry that setting boundaries will make people angry.
But these patterns come at a cost. They keep you in a state of vigilance — one that robs you of the stillness you need for recovery.
A useful DBT reminder here is “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”
Availability does not equal worthiness.
Using DBT Skills to Reclaim Calm
Mindfulness:
Notice what happens in your body when your phone buzzes.
Does your heart rate increase? Do you feel tension in your shoulders or jaw? Simply naming this reaction starts to lower its power.
PLEASE Skills:
Prioritise sleep and rest. Turn off screens an hour before bed. Blue light and emotional arousal both keep the nervous system awake.
STOP Skill:
When you feel the urge to check your phone, pause. Take one slow breath. Ask yourself, “Do I need to respond right now, or can this wait?”
Opposite Action:
If anxiety tells you to check your messages, practice the opposite: put your phone face-down, step outside, or stretch.
DEAR MAN:
Communicate boundaries clearly.
“I’ve noticed that checking messages after hours worsens my pain. I’d appreciate if we keep work communication to weekdays — it helps me stay well and focused.”
Radical Acceptance:
You can’t control when others message you — but you can control when you respond.
Practical Boundaries That Support Healing
Try starting small. Choose one or two boundaries that feel realistic this week:
Turn on Do Not Disturb between 8 p.m. and 7 a.m.
Mute or leave stressful group chats.
Keep your phone in another room while resting or stretching.
Check emails at set times (for example, 10 a.m. and 3 p.m.).
Create “screen-free recovery hours” on flare days.
Every boundary you set sends a powerful message to your brain:
“I am safe. I don’t have to be on alert all the time.”
The Bigger Picture
We often think of technology boundaries as a lifestyle tweak.
But for people living with chronic pain, they’re a form of nervous system hygiene.
They create space for stillness — the same space that allows the body’s stress and pain systems to reset.
Protecting your peace is not indulgent. It’s medicine.
By Dr Michelle Beukes-King
If you’re living with chronic pain and wanting practical tools to cope, connect, and rebuild your life, my online ACT for Chronic Pain group may be a good fit for you.
You’ll learn evidence-based skills in a supportive community — all from the comfort of home.
