Screen Time Struggles: When the Screens Start Running the Show

Let’s be honest—most kids these days use screens. Many of them can balance it well: homework done, good grades, healthy friendships, and then a bit of gaming or TikTok as downtime. This post isn’t about them.

This is for the parents who find their child constantly in front of a screen—sometimes even long after the rest of the family has gone to bed. It’s for the parents who are exhausted from the fights, worried about slipping grades, and scared about what this means for their child’s future.

You are not alone.

Over and over again, I see families struggling with this same battle. Parents set limits, only to face meltdowns. Sometimes it feels easier to give in than to deal with the tantrums or aggression. But while the short-term peace may feel like relief, the long-term costs are very real.

Why Excessive Screen Time Matters

1. Addictive by design
   Gaming and social media apps are engineered to keep kids coming back. They light up the brain’s reward centre in the same way substances do. The more kids use, the more they crave.

2. A false sense of achievement
   Leveling up on Fortnite or gaining likes on Instagram feels like success. But these digital rewards can’t replace the sense of accomplishment that comes from real-world challenges, whether it’s passing a math test or scoring a goal on the sports field.

3. Sleep suffers
   Many teens take their phones to bed. Blue light suppresses melatonin, making it harder to fall asleep, while notifications interrupt rest. A tired teen is an irritable teen—and one who struggles to concentrate in class.

4. Mood swings and meltdowns
   When screens go well, kids are happy. When they don’t, or when the WiFi goes down, the fallout can be intense: irritability, defiance, even aggression. Over time, their brains get used to constant stimulation, making everything else feel boring.

5. Lost opportunities
   Every hour on a screen is an hour not spent on homework, exercise, family connection, or hobbies that build real-world skills and resilience.

The DBT Lens: What’s “Normal” vs. Problem Behavior

Adolescence is naturally a time of pulling away, negotiating independence, and testing limits. It’s normal for teens to want privacy, to crave connection with friends, and yes—to enjoy downtime on screens.

The problem comes when screen use:

• Replaces school, sleep, or relationships

• Leads to aggression, lying, or secrecy

• Leaves your child unable to manage without it

This is where we shift from “normal teen behavior” into territory that needs intervention.

What Parents Can Do

1. Validate first, then set limits
   In DBT, we teach “Walking the Middle Path.” This means acknowledging your child’s perspective (“I get that your game feels important to you”) while also holding boundaries (“And it’s not okay to stay up past midnight when you need to be at school at 7am”).

2. Model mindful tech use
   Teens spot hypocrisy quickly. If we’re glued to our own devices, our message loses impact. Show them what balance looks like.

3. Create tech-free zones
   Bedrooms and family mealtimes are good starting points. Keep chargers outside bedrooms to protect sleep.

4. Encourage real-life mastery
   Kids need opportunities to feel capable offline. Sports, art, volunteering, even cooking dinner—these activities provide genuine achievement and build self-esteem.

5. Pick your battles, but be consistent
   Consistency is key. It’s better to have a few clear, enforceable rules than to fight daily over every little thing.

Final Thoughts

We live in a digital age. Banning screens outright isn’t realistic, and often backfires. The goal isn’t zero screen time—it’s balanced screen time. As parents, your role is to help your child learn that balance, even if it feels like swimming against the current.

The truth is: kids don’t thank you in the moment for setting boundaries. But years from now, when they have the focus, sleep, and resilience to thrive, they just might.

 By Dr Michelle Beukes-King