A Natural Science lesson about Emotion Regulation

Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed by emotions — knowing you should regulate them, but just feeling stuck, reactive, or like you’re drowning? You’re not alone.

Emotion regulation is hard. And there’s a reason for that. Actually, there are several reasons — and understanding them is the first step toward doing things differently.

One of our favourite ways to explain this in our DBT skills group is with a metaphor:

Your Emotion System Is Like a Weather System

Let’s take a walk through this metaphor together — and explore the forces that shape your emotional weather.

1. Biology = Your Climate

We’re all born into different emotional climates.

Some people live in calm, stable zones — their feelings roll in gently and roll out the same way. Others seem to live in the tropics: the emotional heat is high, storms form quickly, and the recovery time is longer.

This emotional sensitivity is biological, and often shaped by genetics, trauma, and even chronic illness or pain. You can’t change your emotional climate — but you can learn how to work with it.

2. Lack of Skills = No Weather Tools

If no one taught you how to check the forecast, use an umbrella, or protect yourself in a storm — it’s no surprise that emotions feel overwhelming.

Emotion regulation is a skillset.
Skills like naming your feelings, shifting your attention, self-soothing, or changing unhelpful thoughts are like weather tools — raincoats, sunglasses, shelters, and windbreakers.

The good news? You can build your weather kit. That’s what DBT is all about.

3. Reinforcing Consequences = Accidental Rain Dances

Sometimes, expressing our emotions gets us what we want — even if it doesn’t help in the long run.

Maybe you’ve learned that yelling gets people to back off. Or crying leads to comfort. These responses are understandable — but they can reinforce emotional behaviours that keep the storms coming.

It’s like doing a rain dance: you might not mean to invite the storm, but your actions help it stay.

 4. Moodiness = Thick Cloud Cover

Low mood, fatigue, and hopelessness can act like clouds that block out the sun.
Even if you know what might help, it feels too heavy or pointless to try.

That’s not a failure — it’s part of the weather system.
The trick is to start with tiny steps. Even the smallest act of skill use can poke a hole through the clouds.

 5. Emotional Overload = Flood Warning

Sometimes there’s just too much weather at once.
Thunder, lightning, wind, and rain — and you’re in the middle of it without a boat.

This is emotional overload.
You can’t reason with yourself or problem-solve when you’re flooded. That’s why DBT teaches distress tolerance skills — tools to help you float until the storm passes.

6. Emotion Myths = Faulty Weather Beliefs

Many of us were raised with unhelpful beliefs about emotions:

• "Crying is weak."

• "Anger is bad."

• "If I let myself feel this, it’ll never stop."

These myths make it harder to accept and name your emotions. And when we resist or judge what we feel, it intensifies our suffering.

Letting go of myths means learning to trust your weather system — even when it’s uncomfortable.

Becoming a Skilled Weatherperson

You can’t stop the clouds from forming.
You can’t always stop the rain from falling.
But you can learn how to:

• Check your emotional forecast

• Prepare your weather tools

• Find shelter when needed

• Trust that no storm lasts forever

Emotion regulation doesn’t mean “getting rid” of feelings. It means understanding the system, working with it, and responding wisely — no matter what the sky is doing.

Want to learn how to build your weather kit?
Join my DBT Skills for Chronic Pain group, where we explore these tools step by step, with compassion, humour, and real-life strategies.

Your emotional forecast may not always be clear skies — but we can help you find your way through the storms.

By Dr Michelle Beukes-King