How Do I Know If I Need Help with Distress Tolerance?
Life can be messy, unpredictable, and—at times—really hard. We all experience moments of deep stress, emotional pain, or intense discomfort. But how we respond to those moments can make all the difference in how we cope, recover, and move forward.
Distress tolerance is the ability to survive a crisis without making things worse. It's a core part of emotional regulation and one of the pillars of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). When distress tolerance skills are lacking, people often find themselves reacting impulsively, shutting down, or using unhelpful coping strategies—like substance use, self-harm, avoidance, or angry outbursts.
So how do you know if this is something you need help with?
Signs You Might Be Struggling with Distress Tolerance
You often feel overwhelmed by intense emotions or stress
You act impulsively when upset—saying or doing things you later regret
You try to escape emotional pain through numbing behaviors (e.g. alcohol, food, screen time, isolation)
You feel like you can't sit with discomfort—you need to fix it, solve it, or avoid it right away
You get stuck in cycles of emotional or relational chaos, especially during conflict
You struggle with chronic feelings of helplessness when things go wrong
If any of these resonate with you, it doesn’t mean you’re broken—it just means your nervous system is doing its best to protect you in moments of distress. But the strategies it's using might not be helping anymore.
What Distress Tolerance Skills Can Teach You
Distress tolerance skills aren’t about ignoring or suppressing your emotions. They’re about helping you:
Survive emotional storms without making things worse
Pause and ground yourself in the midst of a crisis
Create space between the feeling and the reaction
Ride the wave of emotion rather than get pulled under
Hold both truths—that pain is real, and you still have choices
These skills are especially helpful for people who live with emotional sensitivity, trauma, chronic pain, or substance use issues. But they’re also valuable for anyone who wants to respond to life’s challenges with more stability and self-respect.
Getting Support Is a Strength
If you often feel like you're in survival mode, or if your current coping mechanisms are leaving you feeling more stuck than supported, learning distress tolerance skills can be life-changing.
In my DBT Skills Groups, we teach evidence-based tools that are practical, non-judgmental, and designed to meet you exactly where you are. The goal isn’t to avoid pain—but to learn how to get through it with more calm, clarity, and control.
You can build your resilience. You can face distress without falling apart. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Written by Dr. Michelle Beukes-King, Psychiatrist
